We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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