5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
