Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
