Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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