hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
