Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
