So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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