I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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