I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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