She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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