Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
