Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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