really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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