so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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