dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
