Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
