Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
