i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
