Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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