next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
