She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
