Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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