Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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