Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
