Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
