It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
