Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
