somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
