I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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