i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
