Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
