He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
