fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
