I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We named our party play list daddy issues
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
