people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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