i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
