I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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