I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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