i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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