Jerry, you need to find god
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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