K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
