I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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