...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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