He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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