Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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