Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
