All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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