you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
