I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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