I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
