Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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