apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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