I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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