i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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